I picked up an old magazine at the Y the other day and it was about the Virginia Tech shooting. It didn’t surprise me when the article described Cho, the Va. Tech shooter, as having nothing in his eyes, no soul to see, complete emptiness. Whoever said that a person’s eyes were the windows to their soul, was definitely right on point!
All my life people have commented on my eyes. Mostly how blood shot they are or how I need to sleep more because of the dark circles. Occasionally someone will comment on the shade of green. Almost Notre Dame Green!
I remember the first times my kids opened their eyes to look at this crazy new world. My faced pressed close to theirs trying desperately to find some spiritual connection - trying to see if I could see their future. But all I saw was perfection. God gave them to me perfect on day one, and he gave me a lifetime to screw them up! Let’s just hope that the bar for screw up is raised so high by me that they turn out relatively unscathed.
When I go to weddings (It is a sign of aging when your friend’s kids start getting married) I love to watch the eyes of the groom as the bride finally steps into the door way to walk down the aisle. I look for those “Big Ole’ Saucers and a skipped heart beat. It would be easy to comment more on his eyes by inserting some man joke here, but I will let you create your own anecdote. When I saw my bride it was a look of “How could I possibly be this lucky!” (I should get major points for that so make sure you comment to April how sweet I am)
My job at the Y allows me to witness the great looks of a kid getting his first basket in basketball. It is a monumental jog back down court with a look of invincibility and scanning the sidelines to hopefully get the glowing nod of approval from mom or dad. Or its that look as a kid stands on first base and his coach pats him on the butt because he just got his first hit. It is unbelievable to see him run to first base without even touching the ground.
We also see the looks on kid’s faces when the soccer ball squirts through their hands and they give up the game winning goal. It is also the look of a teenager when they tell you that they got cut from the cheerleading squad. How easily our lives go from the thrill of victory to the agony of defeat.
The eyes will always tell us a story. From I am tired to I think I am in love to why don’t you get a breath mint! The eyes are the windows to our souls.
How do eyes go from, wow look at this new world (birth) to mass murderer (Va. Tech)?
A study by the SEARCH INSTITUTE proves that 50% of the kids in our middle schools have little or no connection with an adult in the school. No teacher, no secretary, no bus driver, not even the lunch lady knows anything more about them than their name! So when we ask how any kid can get this disconnected we need to realize how early it can start. We must realize that Cho went to a Christian Church and was in youth group and memorized bible verses, yet he still became isolated.
I don’t think we as adults understand the value of our eyes and our hearts and our connection with the large circle of kids that are in our lives.
I cringe when I hear parents cheer a miscue by a kid on another team. I once had a parent chastise me for applauding a great play by the goalie on the other team – “what are you doing?” she yelled.
How many times when we get in the car after a game and our kid wells up in tears because he just missed free throws to lose their game do we sit and say, “shake it off. When I was your age I missed free throws too. In fact if you really want to hear how I missed many of life’s free throws, we need to get a tall milk shake because this is going to take awhile.”
Our kids need to take note of our ability to admit we are fallible. (Not foulable because I never miss free throws but fallible) And my fellow parents, as we share our past goofs with our kids, take the time to listen to their fears. Make sure we give them time to connect to us. I know it is hard work to develop the skills to listen to our kids and the other young people around us, but we must fight to connect!
Some of the greatest parents in the world have the ability to really listen. These parents are available, they’re not judgmental, and they care. Often I guess parenting is less about all that we provide our kids, but rather a quiet listening ear.
And remember, it’s in the eyes. What color are your kid’s eyes?
August 28, 2007
August 8, 2007
The West Wing
I love the TV show West Wing. Ryanne (my daughter) and I watched a few episodes this weekend from the first season. This is still one of my all time favorite shows, even though it actually slipped in the last two years of production.
In the early years it was about the relationships between these noble people who worked for the President and served the country for this great historical cause. Reality though is that somehow after probably a billion dollars was spent by Bush and Kerry to smash each other, (and today’s candidates will top that,) all elections today are about serving to get re-elected. And the White House hopefuls serve to get elected! SUCH NOBILITY!
That makes perfect sense because that is exactly why most people vote today - To defeat the incumbent or to keep their person in office. Why couldn’t people go to the poles because of their civic duty and to have their voice heard on whom their leader is? Can decisions strictly be made because of sincere ideologies of genuine people. Nope, our votes typically are based on left or right - Democrat or Republican.
But I digress,
West Wing like other good shows always ruin themselves by creating too much drama. ER was the worst. The first two years were great because they centered on the people and the relationships around the ER. Then, and I’ve timed it, every 8 minutes the doors would blow open and an emergency would fly in and create this chaos. And not just a typical emergency, but it would be a busload of teenage cheerleaders on their way to build a house for the Habitat for Humanity. Or someone would come in with a 3-inch bomb taped to his or her chest that could blow up the entire state of Illinois. Too much drama! My wife would always chastise me to relax, that the show was called ER!
SO, in its last years, the West Wing all of a sudden became terrorist attacks, wars, bombs, deaths, kidnappings etc. Every episode. No more relationships.
I like to imagine my own life and draw parallels to this show. (The Y and the West Wing.) I am the President and I think everyone should stand when I enter the room. But that same kind of respect from Jeb Bartlett’s staff doesn’t transfer to the halls of the YMCA! My staff barely show up on time to my meetings much less stand when I enter the room.
But the Y, like West Wing, is about a group of people, working hand in hand for a mission far more worthy than we can imagine. But it’s not the crises that make the Y like the show. It is the relationships that are formed around the office. It is the short quick vignettes in hallways, behind office doors, over meals. That is what makes a show and that is what makes a job. That is what makes working for the Y such a great job. It’s not the drama, it’s the people.
We continually hear during exit interviews, “I’ll miss the people the most. They have become my family.” When in staff retreats we talk about what we were thankful for, everyone was thankful for the staff around the room. And that isn’t just some insignificant dribble that we all say to feel like part of the team and to get extra Brownie points from the CEO. I know at this point, some staff may ask, “Are there really Brownie points from the CEO?” Well that is another blog!
Today, take stock of what is important in your life….the people, the family, the faith, the country, the helpless, the hopeful, the lost, and the found.
In the early years it was about the relationships between these noble people who worked for the President and served the country for this great historical cause. Reality though is that somehow after probably a billion dollars was spent by Bush and Kerry to smash each other, (and today’s candidates will top that,) all elections today are about serving to get re-elected. And the White House hopefuls serve to get elected! SUCH NOBILITY!
That makes perfect sense because that is exactly why most people vote today - To defeat the incumbent or to keep their person in office. Why couldn’t people go to the poles because of their civic duty and to have their voice heard on whom their leader is? Can decisions strictly be made because of sincere ideologies of genuine people. Nope, our votes typically are based on left or right - Democrat or Republican.
But I digress,
West Wing like other good shows always ruin themselves by creating too much drama. ER was the worst. The first two years were great because they centered on the people and the relationships around the ER. Then, and I’ve timed it, every 8 minutes the doors would blow open and an emergency would fly in and create this chaos. And not just a typical emergency, but it would be a busload of teenage cheerleaders on their way to build a house for the Habitat for Humanity. Or someone would come in with a 3-inch bomb taped to his or her chest that could blow up the entire state of Illinois. Too much drama! My wife would always chastise me to relax, that the show was called ER!
SO, in its last years, the West Wing all of a sudden became terrorist attacks, wars, bombs, deaths, kidnappings etc. Every episode. No more relationships.
I like to imagine my own life and draw parallels to this show. (The Y and the West Wing.) I am the President and I think everyone should stand when I enter the room. But that same kind of respect from Jeb Bartlett’s staff doesn’t transfer to the halls of the YMCA! My staff barely show up on time to my meetings much less stand when I enter the room.
But the Y, like West Wing, is about a group of people, working hand in hand for a mission far more worthy than we can imagine. But it’s not the crises that make the Y like the show. It is the relationships that are formed around the office. It is the short quick vignettes in hallways, behind office doors, over meals. That is what makes a show and that is what makes a job. That is what makes working for the Y such a great job. It’s not the drama, it’s the people.
We continually hear during exit interviews, “I’ll miss the people the most. They have become my family.” When in staff retreats we talk about what we were thankful for, everyone was thankful for the staff around the room. And that isn’t just some insignificant dribble that we all say to feel like part of the team and to get extra Brownie points from the CEO. I know at this point, some staff may ask, “Are there really Brownie points from the CEO?” Well that is another blog!
Today, take stock of what is important in your life….the people, the family, the faith, the country, the helpless, the hopeful, the lost, and the found.
July 18, 2007
Brawl at the Beach
It will not be long before the school bells start ringing again and it signals the end of another hectic summer. The summer of 2007 was highlighted just like every summer for the past 13 summers; It is the annual Johnson family (my in-laws) beach trip.
Let me describe the week for you. 5 families, 18 people, and 1 house. More numerical trivia defines the week as 1 kitchen, 4 bathrooms, 4 in-laws, and 1 TV. There is another TV in brother in-law Brian’s bedroom but he retires to that room at 6pm every night so that TV was off limits. 10 adults and 8 children, a few of the adults could be classified as children but that is another story. There are 7 females and 11 males. Now refer back to that 1 TV thing and factor in only one remote.
Not that the average temperature on the beach is usually in excess of 100 degrees and that our A/C does all it can to cool the house below 75 has anything to do with it, but the week is always HOT! I used to print family tee shirts called The Brawl at the Beach, but my wife said that slogan painted a bad picture of our family and she wanted something more positive. I liked to call it The Brawl at the Beach because every summer for the last thirteen years this beach trip has been accentuated by an argument between spouses, a parent and child, or siblings. Every year, like clock work, someone was fighting by Wednesday.
You could call my family’s car the Vegas car because the 5 hour drive to the beach is spent speculating and placing odds on whom would be fighting first and what they would be fighting about. Oh yea, did I share that there are four in laws on this trip, and I am one of them? Well I am preparing to spend a week at the beach with the in-laws or better put, as THE IN-LAW. And this week is the best week of the year for me and my wife and kids.
I think what attracted me most to my wife was her family. My family communicates best over the phone and now by email. This family likes to hang out. That is “hang out with each other!” My family struggles to be civil to each other yet this family’s heartbeat is getting on each other’s nerves. It seems that they would rather argue together than be happy alone. I think there is a bible verse that says that in Proverbs! My family last took a beach trip or any vacation for that matter in 1973 and that was a true brawl at the beach.
But anyway this in-law revelry is so appealing to me that I am enthralled by the week like they have me in some brain washed hypnotic state. In a nutshell the beach trip is encompassed by husband-wife spats, bratty kids (except mine), smart-alec comments (that is me), hurt feelings, little relaxation, high stress, last nerves being trampled on and sheer and utter joy! It is always the best week of my year. I like to complain about it but that is part of the allure. Kind of like being female, you know they’re not happy unless they are complaining. (That is the sarcasm that often gets me in trouble.) But I enjoy complaining about having to go to the beach and I enjoy complaining after I come back, but secretly this is the week and the family that I always dreamed of.
Now don’t get me wrong about my side of the family, we just have a different way of showing our love. We must live several hours from each other where the in-laws all live on the family ponderosa. My family tries to have meals together during special holidays where the in-laws try and eat together as much as they can.
By the end of week, I hope my wife and kids appreciate me half as much as I do them. Often I just sit and stare at them across the room, while they sleep, or as they play. It is hard to ignore the wonderfulness of my wife and kids during the 7 days on the “Ark.” I want my kids to see the joy in being together as a family. And I want them to see that it ain’t always picture perfect. It ain’t always clean, nice, sweet, and even likeable. But it IS about family and about love. Don’t worry about the warts or black sheep in the family, but really focus on the loving glow that engulfs us all.
I think that Proverbs verse says “I’d rather eat salad with my in-laws than steak with the neighbors.” And I wouldn’t trade 1 Brawl at the Beach for 100 Disney Trips.
The sad truth is because of aging kids and more hectic schedules, this may be the last Brawl at the Beach. My hope is that it’s less than 53 weeks before we do it all over again and I am counting the weeks. Just don’t tell my mother in law.
Let me describe the week for you. 5 families, 18 people, and 1 house. More numerical trivia defines the week as 1 kitchen, 4 bathrooms, 4 in-laws, and 1 TV. There is another TV in brother in-law Brian’s bedroom but he retires to that room at 6pm every night so that TV was off limits. 10 adults and 8 children, a few of the adults could be classified as children but that is another story. There are 7 females and 11 males. Now refer back to that 1 TV thing and factor in only one remote.
Not that the average temperature on the beach is usually in excess of 100 degrees and that our A/C does all it can to cool the house below 75 has anything to do with it, but the week is always HOT! I used to print family tee shirts called The Brawl at the Beach, but my wife said that slogan painted a bad picture of our family and she wanted something more positive. I liked to call it The Brawl at the Beach because every summer for the last thirteen years this beach trip has been accentuated by an argument between spouses, a parent and child, or siblings. Every year, like clock work, someone was fighting by Wednesday.
You could call my family’s car the Vegas car because the 5 hour drive to the beach is spent speculating and placing odds on whom would be fighting first and what they would be fighting about. Oh yea, did I share that there are four in laws on this trip, and I am one of them? Well I am preparing to spend a week at the beach with the in-laws or better put, as THE IN-LAW. And this week is the best week of the year for me and my wife and kids.
I think what attracted me most to my wife was her family. My family communicates best over the phone and now by email. This family likes to hang out. That is “hang out with each other!” My family struggles to be civil to each other yet this family’s heartbeat is getting on each other’s nerves. It seems that they would rather argue together than be happy alone. I think there is a bible verse that says that in Proverbs! My family last took a beach trip or any vacation for that matter in 1973 and that was a true brawl at the beach.
But anyway this in-law revelry is so appealing to me that I am enthralled by the week like they have me in some brain washed hypnotic state. In a nutshell the beach trip is encompassed by husband-wife spats, bratty kids (except mine), smart-alec comments (that is me), hurt feelings, little relaxation, high stress, last nerves being trampled on and sheer and utter joy! It is always the best week of my year. I like to complain about it but that is part of the allure. Kind of like being female, you know they’re not happy unless they are complaining. (That is the sarcasm that often gets me in trouble.) But I enjoy complaining about having to go to the beach and I enjoy complaining after I come back, but secretly this is the week and the family that I always dreamed of.
Now don’t get me wrong about my side of the family, we just have a different way of showing our love. We must live several hours from each other where the in-laws all live on the family ponderosa. My family tries to have meals together during special holidays where the in-laws try and eat together as much as they can.
By the end of week, I hope my wife and kids appreciate me half as much as I do them. Often I just sit and stare at them across the room, while they sleep, or as they play. It is hard to ignore the wonderfulness of my wife and kids during the 7 days on the “Ark.” I want my kids to see the joy in being together as a family. And I want them to see that it ain’t always picture perfect. It ain’t always clean, nice, sweet, and even likeable. But it IS about family and about love. Don’t worry about the warts or black sheep in the family, but really focus on the loving glow that engulfs us all.
I think that Proverbs verse says “I’d rather eat salad with my in-laws than steak with the neighbors.” And I wouldn’t trade 1 Brawl at the Beach for 100 Disney Trips.
The sad truth is because of aging kids and more hectic schedules, this may be the last Brawl at the Beach. My hope is that it’s less than 53 weeks before we do it all over again and I am counting the weeks. Just don’t tell my mother in law.
July 1, 2007
Christmas from the Corders
I guess about every other year you get a Christmas letter from the Corder’s. That is because Cam is in charge of the letters and he’s just not as reliable as we all would hope he could be. But this year he is inspired to inspire you. We enjoy the Christmas cards from each of you and also love the Christmas letters we receive. So in that spirit, our letter this year is to show you the top 10 things you should not do when writing a Christmas letter.
So straight from the home office in Shelby, NC this letter is either 6 months early or 6 months late. Depends on whether you are a glass ½ full or ½ empty person.
#10. Never talk about your dog like he/she is human. Of course our dogs are smarter than humans. Maxine, the Golden Retriever is a Houdini. She can escape any fence, shock collar, and humane society volunteer. Ellie, our Bloodhound puppy is fond of Turkey carcasses and $750 vet bills!
#9. Never share the bad news. But since we are talking about dogs, our 14 year old basset Cleveland was put to sleep in 2006. It was an awful Saturday. We actually had to help the vet because his assistant was on vacation. I think our vet has some kids in college this year or maybe adding a wing to his house!
#8. Never use this letter as a religious pulpit. Not everyone shares your religious views so this is not the time to “witness.” Even though the Corders had a tremendous experience helping a friend’s daughter get in to a faith based rehab program called Teen Challenge. Following her rehab graduation in June and seeing her transformed through such intense spiritual revitalization has been a moving experience for us all. It makes us all aware of how GOOD and how strong God is!
#7. Never talk about your children like they are the greatest, This can get old as you read letters, and believe us when we tell you because our kids are as close to perfect as possible. Aside from being the smartest kids in their respective schools, Brooks (10) and Ryanne (13) continue to be the top athletes in whatever venue they participate. I know several of you are trying to arrange marriages with these two angels, but none of your hellions are near good enough.
#6. Never ignore the spell checker. Cam is a great example of this goof, because he never has proffed anything. And he gets tired of April;s constant criticism of hs work so he want let her proof these lettrs. It is hard to beleive with all of the technlogy that Cam can’y hit one spell check buttn.
#5. DO NOT ramble on and on and on about daily life. Understand that we all have busy lives. I am sure that you all wake up at 5:30am and find your days packing lunches, washing clothes, driving carpools. That same old every day work grind gets to us all. Even though Cam loves his job and can’t imagine the work that April has to do to keep the house together. God forbid he lifts a finger to help.
#4. DO NOT lecture about how to live if you just figured out something everyone already knows. But we will share with you that our New Years resolution is to cut our credit cards up. Debt is bad! Ignore all of those friends that share with you the beauty of Ebay and buying online with those “Satan Cards.” That is just the internets version of a yard sale. We just pray that Cam’s parents never learn about it!
#3. DO NOT try to bluff us. It is hard to have perfect lives. Especially through the intense counseling and therapy needed from the Corder gene pool. But the sun always shines in Shelby, and our lives seem to be edited from a Disney movie.
#2. DO NOT let politics infect your holiday ramblings. I wouldn’t dare waste paper writing about the Bleeding Heart Democrats and how this country probably deserves Hillary in the Whitehouse.
#1. DO NOT write a Christmas letter if you don't have time. This is why you only get one every other year and like this one, 6 months after Christmas. Don’t feel like you’re slighted or that communication with the people that we love and respect most in the world is not important, but creativity has its effort.
The one thing that we think of most when we write this letter is how much we are in awe of your friendship. The fact that you think enough of us to include you into your lives overwhelms us. Our lives are so blessed when we read of marriages, baptisms, graduations, vacations, etc. Thanks for sharing your lives with us. May the rest of your 2007 be blessed with a wonderful Love Story!
The Corders Cam, April, Ryanne and Brooks
So straight from the home office in Shelby, NC this letter is either 6 months early or 6 months late. Depends on whether you are a glass ½ full or ½ empty person.
#10. Never talk about your dog like he/she is human. Of course our dogs are smarter than humans. Maxine, the Golden Retriever is a Houdini. She can escape any fence, shock collar, and humane society volunteer. Ellie, our Bloodhound puppy is fond of Turkey carcasses and $750 vet bills!
#9. Never share the bad news. But since we are talking about dogs, our 14 year old basset Cleveland was put to sleep in 2006. It was an awful Saturday. We actually had to help the vet because his assistant was on vacation. I think our vet has some kids in college this year or maybe adding a wing to his house!
#8. Never use this letter as a religious pulpit. Not everyone shares your religious views so this is not the time to “witness.” Even though the Corders had a tremendous experience helping a friend’s daughter get in to a faith based rehab program called Teen Challenge. Following her rehab graduation in June and seeing her transformed through such intense spiritual revitalization has been a moving experience for us all. It makes us all aware of how GOOD and how strong God is!
#7. Never talk about your children like they are the greatest, This can get old as you read letters, and believe us when we tell you because our kids are as close to perfect as possible. Aside from being the smartest kids in their respective schools, Brooks (10) and Ryanne (13) continue to be the top athletes in whatever venue they participate. I know several of you are trying to arrange marriages with these two angels, but none of your hellions are near good enough.
#6. Never ignore the spell checker. Cam is a great example of this goof, because he never has proffed anything. And he gets tired of April;s constant criticism of hs work so he want let her proof these lettrs. It is hard to beleive with all of the technlogy that Cam can’y hit one spell check buttn.
#5. DO NOT ramble on and on and on about daily life. Understand that we all have busy lives. I am sure that you all wake up at 5:30am and find your days packing lunches, washing clothes, driving carpools. That same old every day work grind gets to us all. Even though Cam loves his job and can’t imagine the work that April has to do to keep the house together. God forbid he lifts a finger to help.
#4. DO NOT lecture about how to live if you just figured out something everyone already knows. But we will share with you that our New Years resolution is to cut our credit cards up. Debt is bad! Ignore all of those friends that share with you the beauty of Ebay and buying online with those “Satan Cards.” That is just the internets version of a yard sale. We just pray that Cam’s parents never learn about it!
#3. DO NOT try to bluff us. It is hard to have perfect lives. Especially through the intense counseling and therapy needed from the Corder gene pool. But the sun always shines in Shelby, and our lives seem to be edited from a Disney movie.
#2. DO NOT let politics infect your holiday ramblings. I wouldn’t dare waste paper writing about the Bleeding Heart Democrats and how this country probably deserves Hillary in the Whitehouse.
#1. DO NOT write a Christmas letter if you don't have time. This is why you only get one every other year and like this one, 6 months after Christmas. Don’t feel like you’re slighted or that communication with the people that we love and respect most in the world is not important, but creativity has its effort.
The one thing that we think of most when we write this letter is how much we are in awe of your friendship. The fact that you think enough of us to include you into your lives overwhelms us. Our lives are so blessed when we read of marriages, baptisms, graduations, vacations, etc. Thanks for sharing your lives with us. May the rest of your 2007 be blessed with a wonderful Love Story!
The Corders Cam, April, Ryanne and Brooks
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)