It was crazy on the Friday morning that I flew home from Dallas. Maybe it was because I bottled in so much emotion that week, but about ¾ of the way through the flight, I started to cry. After about a minute the little old lady in the center seat reached over and just held my hand. She never said a word and I never looked up. It was just a warm motherly squeeze. For a second I almost leaned over and put my head on her shoulder but I regained my composure and shuffled around in my seat.
She was in front of me as we walked off the plane and up the ramp. I was looking for her to just say thanks and to explain my tears, but when I got through the doors of the concourse she was gone. I looked left and right and up and down but there was no grandma. She couldn’t be that fast to disappear like that, so I moved around hurriedly trying to catch a glimpse of her. Finally I just shrugged my shoulders and kind of half expected Della Reese or that English lady from the old TV show Touched by an Angel to walk up.
_______________________________________________________________________________The first time I met Jennifer, we were BEST friends. We had that instant connection like we had known each other forever. No awkward hand-shakes between us, it was all hugs, laughter and high-fives. Now I can easily see three things that immediately connected us.
First thing: She loved Jeff. She came at a time in his life where he needed her. And I was so impressed by her connection to him. It wasn’t this doe-eyed teenage love-worship, but it was this confidence that they belonged together. They shared something wonderful in their relationship from beginning to end and that was laughter. They were best friends. All marriages should be wov
en together through a fabric so joyous.Second thing: She treasured her kids. She was a Tiger mom, but not like the one on the news reports. She’s the Tiger mom who reveled in the spirit of her three, wonderfully unique children. She loved them for their little idiosyncrasies, their warmth and because they all exuded her spirit. I watched her visit North Carolina last year and I saw a woman exhausting herself to create memories with her kids. She spent a week just splashing in the ocean, cheering at the climbing wall and soaking up just the minutes. I watched her WATCH her kids. I witnessed the Tiger in her.
Third thing: Jennifer was a warrior. It makes me think twice when I complain about a headache or back pain. We all witnessed her bravery and her dogged determination.
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Throughout the years I have joked with Jeff, his family and our friends that I have carried Jeff. I mean, there probably hasn’t been a female he has spoken to that I didn’t either first soften the ground or grease the skids. So you can imagine my worry when they got married because Jeff was to recite these personally written vows. Not read, but recite. And I didn’t even help him write the vows. When I asked him if he was ready he would give me the George Lopez response, “I Got This!”
And at their wedding he spit out a 3 minute speech that was wonderfully astounding. It left me in what my grandfather would call, “Slack Jawed amazement.”
It was in that short speech that I understood him as more than just my friend. I understood him as more than just my brother. Those three minutes revealed his strength, revealed his dreams and revealed the depth of love in his heart. We often don’t know how much we are capable of loving until our lives are in crisis.
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The last few weeks of Jennifer's life I could almost hear her telling me to "EARN THIS." I guess it was a reflection to a scene in the movie Saving Private Ryan. At the end of the movie, the Tom Hanks character is on the bridge dying and he calls over Private Ryan, which is played by Matt Damon. Damon leans in and Hanks whispers into his ear, “EARN THIS.”
It was like she was telling me, "Cam I'm not fighting this hard for nothing." Didn’t she live her life in a way that she is telling us all to “EARN THIS?” We should all aspire to lead lives that transform and impact the the people around us. How can we take life for granted? Knowing this can tomorrow really be a day where I just go through the motions?
My life has been so blessed to have Jennifer as my friend. How much does it cost to be rich in friends? How many years and stories does it take to make a rich life happen? I think about all the people in her life and think of the terrible loss we have suffered, yet we are all richer today because of Jennifer. It is as if she left some emotional inheritance of her life that would continue to be told.
Even though I am truly sad, I still have the confidence to say, may the peace of Christ bless you and keep you. And today may you hold your family close, feel them breathe, take in their remarkable smell and just love them.
