Letter From Your Child to You About Their Sports Team

Dear Mom and Dad,

As I've gotten older you've always been there to offer encouragement, advice and good wishes. It has helped mold me into the athlete and student I am today. This time, I want to turn the tables and do the same for you, especially since this is my senior year, and likely to be my last time playing organized sports.

There have been times before, during or after games when you've said or done something that has annoyed me. I realize you've meant no harm, but I want to spell things out for you so the memories we take from this last year will be good ones.

First, I want to thank you for respecting my wishes, letting me play a variety of sports, and not making me specialize in one.

The money you spent for me to play on various select teams wasn't a guarantee that I would ever become good enough to play college ball. Look, I know I'm not going to get an athletic scholarship. I've learned something about genetics in biology class. I have your genes, which explains why I'm not 6 feet 10, 275 pounds and can't run the hundred in 10-flat. Don't blame me for not playing at the next level — look in the mirror.

Just kidding. I wouldn't change a thing about me — or you.

Try to see the season from my point of view.

The perspective the two of you get is going to be entirely different from mine. I'll be learning life lessons in the "nontraditional classroom" high-school sports represent. I'll be learning what dedication and commitment means.

I'm also going to experience the fun times, too, moments you can't be any part of, like the 10 minutes in the locker room right before and after games, the bus rides to and from games, and the silly times in the dugout or locker room when I'm just being a kid.

Get the other parents on the team to sit together at our games.

You and the other parents get to have fun, too, as you root for us all season. It's sort of like getting on a ride at Disneyland, with all the ups and downs, thrills and spills.

Here's a golden opportunity for a couple of old fogies like you to make some new friends, and when was the last time that happened?

Cheer for my teammates, not just me.

Go out of your way to get to know some of the others on the team. I am not the only story. Every player has their own story.

They're just our opponents — they're not our enemies.

It's OK with me if you acknowledge a good play or effort by an opponent. You know, those kids are just like me, they just live in a different town. They probably like the same music and movies we do, and there's not much difference between us, other than the color of the uniform.

The team comes first. Not me.

Our coaches do a great job of instilling team values in us, to put aside any selfishness in favor of our common effort. If any of us are unhappy about our playing time, the position we're playing, or the way we're being treated, they want us to come to them and talk about it.

Just because you disagree with the coach, doesn't mean he or she is an idiot.

My head coaches have earned the right to decide who plays. They probably spend 750 to 1,000 hours a year on their sport — planning practices, watching game film, game-planning for each week's opponent, running practices and coaching games, not to mention attending coaching clinics, dealing with paperwork and keeping in touch with players all year. They spend more waking hours during the season with us than their own families. I see more of them each week than I do you during the season.

Dad, I know how much you love sports, and how much you think you know about them from your playing days and watching games year after year. You know a little about a lot of sports. My coaches are the world's greatest experts on one subject — my team.

If you want a relationship with my coaches, make sure it's a supportive one. Thank them for their hard work, be appreciative of all they do and be thankful (as I am) that we have them on our side.

After the game, give me some time to regroup.

If you want to analyze and rehash the game in-depth, I'll do it with you, but won't it keep until the next morning?

When the game is over, don't expect me to be all chatty and happy to talk, at least not right away. Games are physically, mentally and emotionally draining. Everybody's nerves are raw right after a game. Give me time to decompress, to think through what happened and what the coaches said afterward before you start peppering me with all sorts of "what happened?" questions.

Playing in games with my buddies might just be the most fun I'll have in my life.

We've talked about what it's like for me during high-pressure situations, about how your stomachs get twisted into a knot, and how mom sometimes has to hide her eyes.

But I'm so busy playing, so locked in and focused on what I'm doing, that I don't have time to think about what happens if I drop the pass, miss the shot, or strike out.

What you call pressure is fun for me.

Everybody says playing sports builds character. You've told me that yourself. My coaches say that, while it's true, there is a greater truth to be said about sports.

Playing sports reveals character.

My final season has just begun. I hope the character I reveal makes you proud of me. I hope that I, too, can be proud of you.

Now I have to go, it's time for practice.

Here's to a great season.

Love,

Your Child

Score Keepers

I like competition. If anyone is about keeping score it’s me.

But keeping score in the workplace is dangerous. As a supervisor or boss we have to. But it is especially disheartening when we keep score of our peers. We all know how people keep score – they count our hours working, they keep score of how they perceive we deal with quality, and they even count the good and bad in our budget. The score keeping list goes on and on.

Often in the Y’s workplace you hear those qualifying statements, “Did you know that such in such is…………” or “Did you see that such in such was not doing ……”

Even when they are correct in their observation and there are mistakes and problems, I always want to ask, “Do you supervise them? How do you have time to do your job and watch everyone else?”

In one of my devotions this week I read the parable about the landowner in the vineyard who paid the laborers all the same whether they worked all day or a partial day. Many of the people who worked all day complained. I was struck by the line in my devo when the author posed, “What if one of the laborers thanked the landowner for his generosity? Are we grateful for the work and wage that is promised us or are we more concerned that others are getting more than they deserve?”

Thoughts

-         - When we grumble and complain about others we lose focus on our work and how we are serving God and his mission.

-         - When we compare and judge we completely ignore and misunderstand God’s grace. (the entire Kingdom is built on God’s Grace!)

-         - When we assume too much about fairness, we ignore the blessings in what we DO have

Maybe today we can practice being a little more thankful and a little less judgmental.

Y GIANT

Ironically, I sat around a table of friends this past week and prayed for a few of the people in my life that have impacted my Y career. Little did I know that soon one of those men, Bob Rule, would pass.

Bob Rule was a giant of a man. And that is not just hyperbole. He impacted thousands in his lengthy YMCA career. His loss is not just a loss for the High Point Y, but for the entire YMCA movement.

I was fortunate to have worked for him for 5 ½ years and we have shared a 30-year relationship. During that time Bob was not only my boss but also my mentor, friend and father figure. I owe so much of my career to his leadership. Here are a few things that I carry daily in my work that are truly the influence from Bob.

• Always keep the Mission First. I read a quote this week that encapsulates Bob’s philosophy. “For some people, you may be the only bible they see.” He understood the Y’s ability to bring people closer to Christ.
• Bob had a huge heart for the downtrodden and people that were hurting. He taught me early in my career to focus on the people who need the Y the most.
• He had a clear vision that the YMCA could shape the future. He told me that the kids I worked with at camp and on the sports fields would grow up to be fathers, mothers, members, volunteers, board members, and donors. Never has that been more true than looking across the current leadership landscape in High Point and counting the leaders that participated as kids at the Y.
• More than anything, Bob made sure that we should always laugh – especially at ourselves! He would always say something to me and I would gulp and think I was in trouble, there would be this long awkward pause and then he would burst out laughing.

Most days during my time in High Point, I would have lunch with the late Joe Miller, who was the long time property manager at the Y. Often our conversations would be about how cool Bob was. Joe said one day that Bob was “Cool Like Jazz.”

I have been in Cleveland County for 24 years, and if anyone in that community feels like myself or the Y has had an impact on their life, well they can draw a straight line back to Bob Rule.

He was a GIANT……No Hyperbole.

Story Tellers

This week in the Wall Street Journal, there was an article about story telling. The article outlined the importance of how couples that are able to share life stories with each other form a deeper bond. The gist of the article is people who know how to tell stories have the ability to connect at a deeper level.

I believe this is true as we try and share stories within our Y families. Here are a few story telling tips from the article.

a.       SETTING: Make sure there are no distractions as you share the story. Eliminate the mundane details from the narrative. For example, don’t share the color of your socks or what you were wearing if it’s not pertinent. Think about who is listening and tailor the story to their interests. And don’t share stories about the hum-drum details of our Y, sharing a story is an invitation to come into the Y world. 

b.       PLOT: There should be action and truth in the story. Every story should have a beginning, a middle and an end. It needs a VOICE and if it’s a personal story you should reveal yourself. Share your emotions and don’t be embarrassed to be vulnerable.

c.      WRAP UP: Stories should be about something meaningful. Make the point of your story clear. Work on wrapping up the story concisely and not meandering the end with useless details. Wait for feedback. The story should inspire and help you connect.

Being an effective story teller is empowering to us because we get immediate feedback in their emotional response. It is also empowering to the listener because it helps them understand and connect with us and with the YMCA in a deeper and more meaningful way. These stories help bring the listener back to the core of why they love and support the Y. In tough times, it helps bind us all together in our shared values and history.  Sometimes I like to share a story about the future. I try and paint a picture of the possibilities of our work. This can help us all visualize our organizational aspirations.

I find that the older I get, the more emotional I get when I share. I told a professional story teller that I was embarrassed because I cried once when I shared a story at a very important Y event. He responded that I should cry, every time I share that story.

If you want to be a more effective story teller – REFLECT on the events of your work and life. REFINE what these events mean to you and finally READ great stories that inspire you and learn from the best!