Blind Spots: My Pre-Surgery Thoughts
This past year I saw much of the world through sun drenched and ‘bug splattered’ windshields as I logged over 20,000 miles of highway travel. I could not tell you much about those miles but I probably can recall most of the destinations. I suppose that I focused more on where I wanted to be than where I was at that moment. However, I clearly recall one afternoon several months ago when I was traveling on I-26 in SC. I had been driving about three hours and as habit had checked my mirrors often. I signaled and started easing over to pass a slower vehicle in front of me when suddenly I heard the piercing warning of a horn. Wow, that was an attention getter. My heart-rate jumped as the adrenaline shot through me and triggered the memory of ‘you didn’t check your blind spot’.
I have journeyed through 51 years of life and have mostly focused my attention through the windshield of the future. Dreams, careers, accomplishments and plans to leave a lasting legacy are important in helping us maximize the gift of life. BUT, every now and then something slips into our blind spot and gets our attention in a powerful way. Maybe it’s the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, the ending of a relationship or in my case, a diagnosis of cancer. These events or circumstances that sneak up on us do not have the capacity to make us stronger or to cripple us; they only provide the catalyst for us to choose how we respond to the rest of our journey. I can’t change the triggering event but I can determine my attitude and response.
My initial response to cancer sneaking into my life was just the same as when I tried to occupy the same space as the car next to me. My heart-rate went up and I wanted to run but then I realized that my destination had not changed. My focus has been shifted so that I am more keenly aware of my present surroundings but I am still headed for home. Sometimes God has to slow us down to remind us of the joy in our journey. What joy I have found in friends who have given of their time to encourage me and to petition God on my behalf. Gifts of love demonstrated by phone calls, emails, financial gifts and cookies have brightened my day. (Although no one is stepping up to take on Jan’s perpetual ‘honey-do’ list.) J
My kids have made extra time for me to do special things for me. Megan’s taking on the responsibility of taking care of her siblings and running the household. (Don’t forget to lock the doors and turnout the lights.) Briley called and said that he was taking a day off from his work at Blue Ridge to come home and spend the day with me. What a great day that was, one that many dads never get to experience with their 18 year old son. Kelsey, took my new IPOD (which had been in the box for one year) and uploaded more songs that I probably know so that I would have something to occupy my mind when the pain gets tough. She even put together play list including praise music and classic rock. She knows her dad likes to row on both sides of the musical canoe. Tanner who knows what the pain of surgery is like asks me a least three times or more a week how I’m feeling. And Jan……well let me just say that this journey would loose much of its joy if she were not constantly by my side. Her strength, encouragement and compassion are the balance that I need. She knows that my greatest desire even beyond being cancer free is to contend strongly for the faith. It is my ultimate destination and the only lasting legacy that I can leave.
“Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of your affairs, that you stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel.” Philippians 1:27
The Apostle Paul encouraged the church at Philippi with these words and I too am encouraged and seek to stand fast in Jesus Christ.
My encouragement comes from knowing that in the very next chapter of Philippians, Paul tells of how Christ humbled himself to come to earth as a man. Jesus did not exchange His deity for humanity but He did set aside or renounce His privileges in some areas. I am amazed at His love for us in that He would give up the glory of a face-to-face relationship with God the Father and the personal enjoyment of that glory. As a man, Christ identified with basic human needs and weakness, but yet He was without sin. He knows my desires and my fears because He to experienced the pain of a broken body. In John 17 Jesus prays for Himself.
“And now, O Father, glorify Me together with Yourself, with the glory which I had with You before the world was” John 17:5
Jesus Christ stepped out in obedience on a road that was difficult and out of the comfort of His Fathers Glory. Because of Christ obedience, God was glorified and Christ was restored to His original glory.
So the way up is down. If I am to stand fast and contend for the faith in Christ Jesus, I must walk down this road. It’s not the road that I would have preferred because it is out of my comfort zone. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t see this coming what matters is that I do not journey alone. Jesus Christ, the Great Sheppard walks through the valley with me. It is a journey through and not a place of dwelling. I know now what it feels like to be under the wing of the all Mighty God. What a traveling companion. He has given me peace that I shouldn’t have and that I can’t understand, just like He promises.
“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind me and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14
I can do nothing to obtain or deserve such love from God my Father. I am a child of the King simply because of His precious amazing grace. God be praised for His grace is sufficient and His mercy everlasting.
Burnie Whitson
August 5, 2008
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