20 Years

On December 16th, April and I celebrated 20 years of marriage. I wouldn’t call it a huge celebration. We swapped cards, love pats and the occasional we’re getting old joke! Click this link to get a picture of our life.

Twenty years ago we got married out in the middle of nowhere (Grays Chapel, NC) and it was less than 10 degrees. Many of the gamblers in attendance on that blessed day had the over/under of how long the marriage would last at 7 years, and if I recall there was huge amounts being bet on the under!

There is no real trick to being married this long but I have come up with a few words of sage advice that I often share with the young engaged couples. If you asked April, she may come up with an entirely different list, but this is my list.

When you read this, I think it would be fun to use the voice from the 60 minutes curmudgeon, Andy Rooney. I think it will be fun if we started it this way. “Do you ever wonder how Cam and April made it to 20 years? I do, so I asked him what were the secrets and this is what he shared.”

You need to love your in-laws. I have great in-laws. Even though sometimes when we get together, it resembles the Manson Family reunion; (the Brawl at the Beach, Hillsville, Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving) they are a wonderful band of crazies. If you don’t get along with the “outlaws”, every holiday will be miserable. Holidays will be miserable because you are either with the in-laws or not with the in-laws. I much prefer to be with the in-laws.

I respect my past relationships. This is not about “pining for lost loves” but it is more about learning how to be a better man from the mistakes I made in other relationships. And realizing how God had a plan for me. Every date and every relationship was truly just a step closer to April. God works in mysterious ways. You have to believe that when we were both born that God saw the road map in how he would bring us together!

Bury it and bury the shovel. I got this line from the TV show Coach. Most marriage experts will talk about sharing and communicating. I will tell you that it takes 5 positive affirmations to make up for one negative comment. If you truly love someone then just keep your mouth shut and work it out internally. Whatever the issue is or was will go away with time. Bury it and bury the shovel should be in wedding vows.

Enjoy food. When all else fails, April and I can always drop a bunch of money on a great meal and all will be right with the world. And it doesn’t have to be an expensive meal. It can be garlic knots at the Brick, breakfast at the café, Hot Krispy Kremes or just Chick Fil A. We also work hard to try and have our family eat meals together. Often they are hurried but there is power around a quick prayer, dinner and a bunch of messy dishes.

Be a great parent. She is a great momma. April was raised to be a mom and not a wife and that is OK with me. She is a much better mother than I am a father or a husband and that creates so much glue to our family!

You must love the kids. So many parents’ lives revolve around their kids lives, and we are not far off of that. But for us, it is more of being focused on the entire family and not just the kids. We never miss an opportunity to tell and show our kids that we love them. They never go to bed feeling un-loved.

Do talk about life and career plans. We are probably a little geeky because we have planned out so much. Having discussions about when we wanted to have kids to when we wanted to change jobs to now planning about what to do after the kids go to college and when we retire; they all go together. We have been able to share each other’s dreams.

Share in each other’s universe from time to time. It would be easy since I work and April has stayed home that we just have all of the planets circling me and my work life. But one of the things that we have done (I admit that often I go kicking and screaming) is that we focus on her universe too. So not only does she have to go to receptions and parties that deal with my job but we do dinner, parties and socials with her circle of friends. The great thing about the sharing is that we now both have bigger, brighter and broader circles than we could have ever imagined.

Share your Faith. I can’t imagine having a spouse that didn’t believe nor had a different faith. I sometimes wish we were even more passionate about sharing our faith with each other but we are both passionate individually. Throughout the 20 years, we have had a few faith experiences that gave a boost to our marriage. But mostly it has just been a strong constant in our marriage and something that we both enjoy sharing with our children.

You must laugh. Our entire marriage has been about laughter. Often it was sitting on the couch watching TV. From Cheers to How I Met Your Mother, we have laughed. Often car rides and trips are punctuated by a gut busting, tear streaming, and a lose your breath kind of laughter.

From the outside, our 20 years probably seem a little boring. We have driven mini vans and station wagons. Weekends are typically yard work, house cleaning and naps. Vacations are mostly family trips with the in-laws. Life is a series of early mornings, car pools, ball games, laundry, board meetings, committee meetings, teacher meetings, laundry, Sunday school, spaghetti, falling asleep in the chair at 8pm, laundry…..Ground Hog Day over and over!

20 years ago I never dreamed it would be this good. And like every night for the past 20 plus years, I will fall asleep thanking God for bringing this woman into my life. The big celebration of 20 years may even be a quiet sharing of a glass of wine…..and then I will fall asleep in the chair!

Ramblings while Stuck in the Airport

I feel kind of like the Yugoslavian character Tom Hanks portrayed in the movie Terminal. I have been stuck in the Charlotte airport for the past 5 hours. The plane is in the hanger and they say it will be fixed any time now, mean while it is raining outside like it would if I had a tee time at Augusta National. 3 cups of Starbucks and as many trips to the "lav" and the day is pretty much lost. Today I guess that is just my luck.

I should have known it was going to be crazy this week. Notre Dame fires its Coach (the echoes are asleep), Tiger goes all John Edwards, our President pledges to send troops and then bring them home and the mom on Family Ties goes Lesbo - just like that. The world is upside down.

The funny thing about this flight today is after I boarded I had the unusual fortune of this gorgeous woman sitting beside me. She was wonderfully chatty and I was thinking this is going to be a pleasant two hours. Then the horror, "Would everybody please exit the aircraft!!!"

"NO, What about my seat beside Lauren the super model?"

"Sorry Mr. Corder. When we re-board you will either be beside Sam the refridgerator repair man, Evelyn with the crying baby, Tony with 8,000 piercings or Willie the shower curtain ring salesman."

It could be worse, I could miss my dinner meeting at a great Chicago Italian Restaurant. Oh, I forgot.....I am missing that!

If its not one thing its another. Up is down and down is up. First I am sitting beside Lauren and now Willie. It just goes to show you........Hey, my plane is fixed. Hooray!