NERF WARS

Many years ago when they were creating American Holidays, someone suggested, “Why don’t we get together and just eat a lot?”

“But we do that every day,” was the response.

“OK, let’s get together and eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us!”

That sentiment makes Christmas so stressful. Parties with in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews and even neighborhood and work parties can really put Peace on Earth Good Will Toward Men to a test!

Can’t you picture this family Christmas get together? 25 people huddled around a pile of gifts and the traditional Dirty Santa game begins. Pick number 4 and 8 year old cousin #1 picks the nerf gun. Pick number 7 and 9 year old cousin #2 steals the nerf gun. The tension level moves to code yellow as Cousin #1 begins to cry. Move on to pick #12 and sister in-law #1 steals the Nerf gun back for cousin #1. Cousin #2 begins to cry and cousin #1 starts laughing and the tension level moves to code orange. Cousin #2 begins to pitch a fit and I lean in to my wife and say, “Why in the hell did you buy a Nerf gun?” My wife responds, “Well I didn’t know cousin #2 would declare Jihad!”

I swear at this time I heard my completely oblivious brother in-law #1 ask, “Where do you keep the bottle openers?”

With the tension level at code orange, pick number 24 is sister in-law #2 and she steals the gun back and baby it’s on like Donkey Kong! We are a few mullets and halter tops away from a Jerry Springer show!  “CODE RED, CODE RED – THE FAMILY IS IN CODE RED. EVERYONE PLEASE TAKE IMMEDIATE COVER” The two brother in-laws of course are oblivious looking for bottle openers and adjusting the volume during the game.

Quickly order is restored and in-laws and out-laws exit to their respective homes for the mandatory 7 day cool down period before the New Years Day Family get together!

God Bless us everyone and Peace on Earth Good Will Toward everyone but the cousins!

**Truth – This never happened. We were smart enough not to bring the Nerf Gun into the party and played this out in the car ride over. Names were withheld to enahnce the exaggeration.

Winning the Lottery

Last week was an emotional roller coaster. I was selected to serve on a jury for a child sex abuse case. I will share in a future post about the jury duty, but the week made me think about Ken Tay Lee.

I met Ken Tay Lee 10 years ago when I did a weekend prison ministry. Ken Tay Lee was who I was matched up with over the weekend. He was 15 years old and a convicted murderer. Ken T ay Lee will never get out of jail. He was sentenced at age13 to Life With-Out Parole. So when he walked into the room I was expecting a thug. I was looking for this hardened criminal but what I saw was a baby! He looked like every teenager that walked into my YMCA every day.

When he first walked over to me and we introduced ourselves, he asked me the question, “Do you think I am going to hell?” I sat silent for a few seconds and then responded, “I’m not sure. What do you think?” He looked at me and smiled, “Jeremiah 29:11. The Lord has plans for me. Maybe I am supposed to lead people to Christ while I am in here.” I just sat there in amazement. I am supposed to be here to minister to this kid and in the first 15 minutes he is witnessing to me.

Over that weekend we had a birthday party for him. He squeezed my hand and cried as he prayed because he had never had a birthday party. How do you get to 15 and never have a birthday party?

Over that weekend I figured out something. I think Warren Buffet calls it the “ovarian lottery.” Ken Tay Lee is where he is today and I am where I am today because he was born into his neighborhood and I was born into mine. He never had anyone to tell him to brush his teeth, come in for dinner, do your homework or don’t wear stripes with checks. He doesn’t even have anyone who cares he’s in prison.

Last week it became a reminder that when I was born 47 years ago, I won the lottery. In this season of thankfulness my heart aches for the children like Ken Tay Lee. My heart aches for the kids that sleep in houses that are cold. Kids that wake up to a refrigerator that is empty. Kids that go to bed without someone saying good night and I love you.  

Over the next few weeks, when I see that rough looking kid at the mall, I am not going to look away. I am going to hold the door for them, give them a smile and wish them a Merry Christmas. They might just be saying a prayer that even I can answer!

December - Where Work Goes to Die

From Thanksgiving until the Monday after January 1^st, work is sparse. People stock pile vacation so they can be off the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day and that basically lops off close to 25% efficiency for the month. Throw in those wacky Christmas Parties, the general secret Santa shopping trips (hey it’s for work) and you have a month that is pretty much inconvenienced by the work that is due in December. Oh sure budgets get finished and year end board meetings get accomplished, but all of that is just some misdirection for what has become a 35 day cruise ship.

Some of the great successful athletes and business leaders in our history have always talked about when the competition was resting they were working. That is the advantage the great ones have, they will out work you! So what would happen if we flipped the pattern of December? I am not trying to be Scrooge, I am merely asking for us to do what we are paid to do…..WORK.

I propose to make work different this December. Doing this might give you a jump start on the New Year. Instead of shopping online at your desk, try this!

1.       Get out of the office and just plan. Take your team and spend some time talking about 2012. Put away the phone, the email, and no internet. Just bring some newsprint and sharpies. The point of this is to make yourself and your team better in 2012. While everyone else is looking back on 2011 – you look forward! Think, Plan, Play and create Magic!

2.       Work on your staff evaluations for 2011. Spend some time making this the most beneficial interaction you have ever had with your team. Look at their past reviews. Get guidance from your mentors on how to best motivate people. Work on a development plan that you will partner with them in the execution. Get out of the cycle of that annual review where it’s all about “that’s good and that’s bad and here’s your merit increase. Thank you for being a loyal employee at Dunder Mifflin.” Make them walk out of the review with amazement and with that loyal feeling that you really care about their development. 

3.       Write love notes. I say that jokingly but I really mean just hand write some notes. I think I read where only 7% of the mail today is personal. The rest is junk mail and bills. Take the time to write personal notes to the people who are most important to your business. It doesn’t have to be a novel, it just needs to be a line or two where people are thanked, appreciated and even informed.

It is obvious that the work world slows down in December because it’s tradition. You can slow down too or you can take advantage of this time and make yourself, your team and your business just a little bit better for 2012! Merry Christmas and I will be out of the office from Dec 23^rd through January 2^nd.

Don't Tebow

Dear Stephen,

First, I want to tell you that I may be the only Detroit Lions fan in North Carolina. And I am really jazzed about being 6-2. After the last 5 years of Lions football, I can't believe what is happening.

But I have to tell you, when you mocked Tim Tebow Sunday by acting like you were praying or doing the Tebow, well that just looked sad.

You see, the Lions haven't done anything yet and more importantly neither have you. Do more than win a few games and beat the lower level NFL teams and then get back to me. In fact, the Falcons and 49ers bullied your taunting butt in your own stadium the last two weeks. You would think that in itself would make you angry not arrogant. I suggest before you start dancing around like you have done something, you should try and stop the run first.

Maybe you should channel the greatest Lion ever, Barry Sanders. He'd run for a 75 yard touchdown and then just flip the ref the football. Act like you've been there before.

Beat the Packers and then we'll talk.

So in summary Stephen, I am pulling for you and I will yell at the TV when you get a sack, but don't be weak and shallow.

Lions Pride,
CAM

Call Me If You Need Me Coach

There are two things that all men think they can do; build a fire and coach football.

As the saying goes, “I resemble that remark.” Every Friday night I sit in the stands at my son's high school football game and mumble what play they need to call, I scream at refs and often moan at the costly turnovers. If I had a clip board I would toss it!

I don’t want to be the head coach. I want to be the QB Coach. I have great credentials.

1. I am pretty good at Madden. At least at beating my son. I can look at his defense and before the play I can tell him which receiver will get the ball.

2. I have seen a few episodes of Jaws and Murrell dissecting plays on ESPN’s Inside the NFL.

3. I have a great dry erase board at work and plenty of colored markers that I am willing to share.

4. And my wife can attest I have spent a few hours in a chair doing research on college and NFL games.

Plus I think I would look cool in a ball cap and a head set!

I am pretty sure the QB on my son’s high school team is 16 years old, and I know that it’s a charter school that dresses only 24 players. 6 of them weigh less than 140lbs and only dress so we don’t look like the school’s bowling team. And I know that every team we play has us out-manned and out-numbered but never out-classed. In-spite of these odds, I am pretty sure that I can help. Because I know how to build a fire and I can definitely coach football.

So here is my plan.

* We need to study film. “I no nothing about no stinking homework.” Teachers will understand. Classical Academy Scmlasical Academy! This guy is our school’s QB and we need to treat him like one. Each class he needs to sit off to the side with an Ipad and he needs to be reviewing game film. I need my QB picking up the next week’s opponent’s tendencies. He needs to know how to pick up a corner blitz, a line stunt and he needs to know who he has for a hot read.

* I would coach my guy to head butt the O Line a lot. The fatties are the guys that protect you and you need to build some camaraderie. Plus it just looks cool. I’ll bring the Thursday night pizzas and we’ll pump up the BOYS!

* My guy needs to channel his inner Peyton Manning. Before the snap, he should walk around and point at players on the other team and yell out fake signals. Scream things like “55’s the Mike and watch 22 on the edge.” He should scream out, “Alabama 22 or Green 19.” Not because they mean anything, they just sound cool.

* I know the head ball coach want like this because our game plan is a controlled short passing attack, but check downs are for sissies. I would coach my guy to sling it long. Chicks dig the long ball and I remember being 16 years old!

I am definitely a player’s coach so call me if you need me!

GRYPHON PRIDE!

4th Annual Leadership Summit



(L-R John Barker, Sr., Cameron Corder, and Jim Morgan)

 Getting ready to host the Leadership Summit this week. It is a busy week, but the best week of my year. Three days of golf and fellowship high lighted by the key note address by Jim Morgan, CEO of Krispy Kreme.

Often times, leaders get caught up in the day to day work that just bogs you down. You end up living a life of "Ground Hog Day" - the same day over and over! The Summit is designed to re-charge batteries and help us focus more on our spiritual leadership. Hopefully we will be able to translate this back to our Y teams, our families and our communities.

Other speakers include Tom Merritt - CEO of OOBE, Kevin Trapani - CEO of Redwoods, and Paul Byrne - CEO of Precor.

BUZZ SPEAK

I had to post a job vacancy today. I have advertised this job once before but after a round of interviews we just didn’t find the right fit.


Hiring can get quite comical. You can almost tell how young or how desperate a person is by the amount of BUZZWORDS they use. I miss the days when people used to rely on the fact that they were a “people person.” Now applicants just spew out big words that if I asked them to translate probably couldn’t. Buzzwords make you sound shallow not smart.

In order to create a new paradigm shift in applying for jobs, we need to engage the applicants in a new overarching strategy to find employment. Out of the box thinking will be the new normal as applicants can design their own revolutionary style that will establish a synergistic approach with hiring managers.

These game-changing tactics can be integrated into a cover letter and resume that will help applicants drill down into a successful match of their personal core competencies. Applicants need to have a ninja like approach so they can motivate potential employers to see their bleeding edge history of success.

Let employers see that you are the guru of change management and you have an authentic ability to address the mission critical issues facing their business. If you follow this advice you will be on your way to a promotion before you get to the companies onboarding.

When applying for a job, respect the audience who will read your information. Stop sugarcoating and dancing around the issue, just say, “I have a proven history of success. You have a problem that I can fix, and most importantly, I want to work for this company and for you.” You don’t get points for big words, you get points for success. The best resumes never need a dressing up with words, they just need you to effectively communicate your work history and how you will translate that success to the employer.

Good luck in your job search and if you are a game-changing authentic leader who can engage YMCA members with revolutionary programs that will affect their health and well being then you need to bring your core competencies to the Y, and help me establish a new paradigm shift for our community. Send me your resume so we can create some synergistic out of the box change!

EARN THIS

It was crazy on the Friday morning that I flew home from Dallas. Maybe it was because I bottled in so much emotion that week, but about ¾ of the way through the flight, I started to cry. After about a minute the little old lady in the center seat reached over and just held my hand. She never said a word and I never looked up. It was just a warm motherly squeeze. For a second I almost leaned over and put my head on her shoulder but I regained my composure and shuffled around in my seat.

She was in front of me as we walked off the plane and up the ramp. I was looking for her to just say thanks and to explain my tears, but when I got through the doors of the concourse she was gone. I looked left and right and up and down but there was no grandma. She couldn’t be that fast to disappear like that, so I moved around hurriedly trying to catch a glimpse of her. Finally I just shrugged my shoulders and kind of half expected Della Reese or that English lady from the old TV show Touched by an Angel to walk up.

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The first time I met Jennifer, we were BEST friends. We had that instant connection like we had known each other forever. No awkward hand-shakes between us, it was all hugs, laughter and high-fives. Now I can easily see three things that immediately connected us.

First thing: She loved Jeff. She came at a time in his life where he needed her. And I was so impressed by her connection to him. It wasn’t this doe-eyed teenage love-worship, but it was this confidence that they belonged together. They shared something wonderful in their relationship from beginning to end and that was laughter. They were best friends. All marriages should be woven together through a fabric so joyous.

Second thing: She treasured her kids. She was a Tiger mom, but not like the one on the news reports. She’s the Tiger mom who reveled in the spirit of her three, wonderfully unique children. She loved them for their little idiosyncrasies, their warmth and because they all exuded her spirit. I watched her visit North Carolina last year and I saw a woman exhausting herself to create memories with her kids. She spent a week just splashing in the ocean, cheering at the climbing wall and soaking up just the minutes. I watched her WATCH her kids. I witnessed the Tiger in her.

Third thing: Jennifer was a warrior. It makes me think twice when I complain about a headache or back pain. We all witnessed her bravery and her dogged determination.
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Throughout the years I have joked with Jeff, his family and our friends that I have carried Jeff. I mean, there probably hasn’t been a female he has spoken to that I didn’t either first soften the ground or grease the skids. So you can imagine my worry when they got married because Jeff was to recite these personally written vows. Not read, but recite. And I didn’t even help him write the vows. When I asked him if he was ready he would give me the George Lopez response, “I Got This!”

And at their wedding he spit out a 3 minute speech that was wonderfully astounding. It left me in what my grandfather would call, “Slack Jawed amazement.”

It was in that short speech that I understood him as more than just my friend. I understood him as more than just my brother. Those three minutes revealed his strength, revealed his dreams and revealed the depth of love in his heart. We often don’t know how much we are capable of loving until our lives are in crisis.
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The last few weeks of Jennifer's life I could almost hear her telling me to "EARN THIS." I guess it was a reflection to a scene in the movie Saving Private Ryan. At the end of the movie, the Tom Hanks character is on the bridge dying and he calls over Private Ryan, which is played by Matt Damon. Damon leans in and Hanks whispers into his ear, “EARN THIS.”

It was like she was telling me, "Cam I'm not fighting this hard for nothing." Didn’t she live her life in a way that she is telling us all to “EARN THIS?” We should all aspire to lead lives that transform and impact the the people around us. How can we take life for granted? Knowing this can tomorrow really be a day where I just go through the motions?

My life has been so blessed to have Jennifer as my friend. How much does it cost to be rich in friends? How many years and stories does it take to make a rich life happen? I think about all the people in her life and think of the terrible loss we have suffered, yet we are all richer today because of Jennifer. It is as if she left some emotional inheritance of her life that would continue to be told.

Even though I am truly sad, I still have the confidence to say, may the peace of Christ bless you and keep you. And today may you hold your family close, feel them breathe, take in their remarkable smell and just love them.

LIVESTRONG

2 ½ years ago I went online and in 30 seconds I became a certified minister. I joked that I could do weddings, bar mitzvahs, and probably a few satanic rituals.

I did it so I could marry my best friend and the love of his life, who was his live in companion of more than a decade. She would tell people, “I have been raising three kids for the past decade with this man. I don’t need much more to prove that we are married.” It seemed though that after a few years of her battling cancer, a formal wedding was just the thing that she wanted, and performing the wedding like the character Joey on Friends is one of the great joys of my life.
Now I am afraid that any day now I will be called to do her funeral. Hospice has been called in and the family will play this waiting game. Trying to soak in every ounce of love this woman has before she dies.

I don’t understand the randomness of cancer. I can’t remember young people getting cancer with such frequency like I see now. Maybe it is just a sign of my aging.

I have watched friends take this on with incredible strength and perseverance. I am not sure that I could show the same dogged determination. Fighting for just memories. Trying to throw out specks of love that your children will take with them forever. One friend said, "I have the easy part; I will die and go to heaven. My husband has to stay and pick up the pieces with our children.”

Tonight I will just hug my children a little tighter. Stare at them longer and hope that is some small way I can make a memory. I will stare across the room at my wife and just pray that she understands that she can’t measure my love and admiration for her.

Tonight, pray for all the families that are traveling that crazy road that cancer creates. We might not know the right things to say, but our prayers can never be misunderstood.

Coach Valvano and Lorenzo Charles

The tragic death of Lorenzo Charles has made all basketball fans reflect back to 1983. One of the great quotes I read today was from Thurl Bailey, “Coach V and Lo had a big hug in heaven.”

The '83 National Championship run of the NC State Wolfpack is being remembered and lauded as one of the top 10 greatest feats in all of sports. As a Tar Heel fan I think that may be a little extreme, but it could be a chapter in the business book SWITCH.

SWITCH is one of the hot books written by brothers Dan and Chip Heath. It is a tremendous book about how to create change when change is hard. Valvano had to change the mindset of the Wolfpack who went into the ACC tournament with an injured Derrick Whittenburg and a 4th place regular season finish. How did he do that? He did that with that old sports cliché, “Just one game at a time.”

If the Pack stewed about facing Michael Jordan and Ralph Sampson, they could have been overwhelmed, but instead he implored his team to just win the next game. And then he broke it down even more simply, “Slow the game down and hit your 3’s.”

Famed UCLA Coach, John Wooden, often spoke about making small improvements every day. Eventually that improvement will build confidence and that will snowball. Valvano was a master at shrinking the change. Imagine the confidence they had with this style of basketball as the beat the Tar Heels and Virginia.

Just like the authors of SWITCH teach us, Valvano found the bright spots; they had heart, played smart and could shoot 3’s. He got his team to imagine the destination by shrinking the change and focusing on one game at a time. And finally he scripted the steps by slowing the ball down, shooting 3’s and fouling the other teams.

The Cardiac Kids as they were called captured the hearts of all basketball fans. Even when they told Valvano that he had no chance to beat Houston and Hakeem Olajuwon, he replied, “I will tell you has no chance of winning, UCLA and Kansas because they are not here. But we are in the finals so we do have some chance of winning.” Back in 1983 Coach V was finding the bright spots!

A Fight Between My Heart and My Head

Yesterday Ryanne came to me while I was working out and said, “Can we talk without you getting mad?” “Sure,” my heart said and then my mind chimed in, “Did you wreck your car?”

“No, but if now is not a good time we can talk later,” she added. “Honey, just spit it out,” smiled my heart. “I can’t kill you here, because there are too many witnesses,” laughed the brain.

Well the short story is that after she came out of volleyball camp, a small puppy came up to her and got under her car. An obviously neglected puppy, Ryanne found something to give it water in and the puppy just collapsed in her arms. It then somehow miraculously crawled into her car and managed to convince her to drive it home.

“Can we keep it dad? I named her Lucy. She is mostly Black Lab but she is a mutt. I am taking her to the vet tomorrow and I’ll pay for everything. This can be my dog and I will look after it. Can I keep her dad, can I please?”



Funny thing about heart and head arguments, very rarely is there a winner. But here is how the argument unfolded.

Heart: Lucy that is a cute name

Head: Give it a few months and then she will become Lucifer

Heart: If it has some Black Lab then the dog must be smart

Head: No telling the inbred gene pool this dog has spawned from. Don’t be surprised if it has a third ear.

Heart: But that puppy breath is so sweet.

Head: Puppy breath, don’t get the dog near your mouth, it probably has parvo.

Heart: I bet she’s athletic; she would be cool to be your running and hiking buddy

Head: Oh, that’s really fair to 14 year old Maxine and crazy hound dog Ellie

Heart: Max and Ellie will just love this puppy

Head: The puppy will drive old Max crazy and Crazy Ellie might eat it whole

Heart: Ryanne will be a good dog owner

Head: Wake up stupid. She’s going away to college in a year and you will be the dog owner

Heart: Cute, Cute, Cute, Cute, And Cute!

Head: One word – Hole Digger!

Heart: That’s two words

Head: You’re an idiot

Heart: Takes one to know one

Head: Your Mama

Heart: Your Daddy!


See what I mean? Who wins? Anybody want a dog? She’s a cutie!

Paternal Instinct

Ryanne has become quite the runner. She made the State Championship in Cross Country this Fall and recently made the state Championships in the 1600 meters. This is pretty amazing considering she doesn't even train.
I am new to all of this track stuff but I have been amazed at the organization of the events. It runs like clock work and utilizes dozens of volunteers that work in concert around the track.

Two weeks ago we were at the Regionals. It was a time when none of the students from Ryanne's school were running so I was kind of half paying attention. I heard the announcement of the 4x200 event and I heard the gun go off. I noticed that Robbinsville jumped out to an early lead. Robbinsville is at the end of the world. Actually you first go to the end of the world and then you go two more miles down a curvy road to get to Robbinsville. They have some incredible runners. I guess when you train in those deep mountains, you can run anywhere.

By the first hand off Robbinsville had a 10 yard lead and the second runner started to expand the lead. By the time the third runner took the baton, she had a 20 yard lead and when the final runner hit the home stretch she was a good 25 yards ahead.

But then a funny thing happened. This little girl from Murphy High School looked like she had been shot out of a cannon and she started to walk the 4th Robbinsville runner down. The entire bleachers stood and screamed and even though she didn't look back she could feel the pressure of the Murphy runner closing fast. Maybe it was her parents on the fence screaming to go faster, maybe it was her coach imploring her to finish strong, maybe it was her own body trying to push to speeds she wasn't used to, but what ever it was, it got her off balance and she took a face plant 10 feet from the finish line. Not 10 yards and not 10 steps but 10 feet. Right in front of me.

I screamed NOOOOOO, and I jumped down the bleachers. I was literally almost ready to jump the small fence the separated the fans from the track. My paternal instinct wanted to help this young girl. She laid there sobbing as a hush went over the field. All 7 other runners crossed the finish line. She still stayed down and was crying. I heard her dad say, "Get up sweet heart and finish." He didn't say it in a kind of jack ass tone, but in a loving fatherly tone.

I applauded her as she got up and I even encouraged her as she walked across the finish line.

Ryanne came up to me and said, "Did you see that?"

"Of course I saw that," I replied. "I am going over to talk to her."

"Stay out of it dad."

"No, No. I just want to encourage her and make sure she is OK"

"Dad, please stay out of it. Besides, what would you say?"

"Well I want to tell her to keep her head up."

Ryanne looked at me with this kind of smirk and said, "Well since she fell on her face, she might not find that too comforting."

"Shut up, you know what I mean."

I didn't go over and talk to her. But if I would have I would have told her that if that was the worst thing to happen in your life, then life for you will be pretty good. Forever she has a story to tell about overcoming adversity. There are thousands of young girls she can inspire with a story of how she handled the fall.

10 feet from the finish line and she takes a "header." I hate to tell you this kids, but that seems like it happens twice a week for the rest of your life. I think it's God's quirky sense of humor, and it's just his way of telling us that he is control. Get up and finish and let's move on to the next event.

HUGGIES

Friday I was visited by an old friend. Jack used to work for me and it had been over a year since we had seen each other. When he walked in my office he stuck out his hand for me to shake, but I said, “Come on now, we hug in this family.” We hugged like long lost brothers.

Hugging in the work place can be awkward, especially with people you see every day. It is nothing to hug that friend that you have not seen in a long time. In the Y business, so many of these people are like family so conferences are like family reunions. But how do you hug the person you see all the time? I have had a couple of female staff that worked for me for so long that hugs were second nature. On special occasions I would even receive a peck on the cheek.

I would have to catch myself though. The Corders have a bad habit, passed down from my grandfather Gaither Corder, of patting butts! Almost every time I hug April I give her a little tap on the derriere. I am so afraid that out of instinct I will do that unexpectedly to a board member. That will be a doozy to explain.

Hugs are the best part of work. When I was a program director, it was awesome to be in the grocery store and have some kid come up and hug you. Now, when I walk through Harris Teeter the hug may come from a little old lady! That is still awesome.

I have been in some pretty emotional meetings that when they ended, we have just hugged it out. Funerals, births of babies, graduations and just life crises all warrant the big bear hug.

I don’t want you to think that I am some creepy guy always lurking around corners ready to pounce on you. Often when I walk through the Y, I just give a hand slap, fist bump, pat on the back, punch in the arm and sometimes a hip check. Research shows, that a touch lowers blood pressure, reduces stress, creates trust and can even heal. That is not why I do it. I hug and pat and slap because I want to say I appreciate you and I like having you around!

So the next time you see me at the Harris Teeter, church, the Y or even out on the golf course, come up to me and say, “Hey, we hug in this family.” Maybe even a peck on the cheek would be nice!

Just Friend Me....I Can't Take the Rejection

Facebook makes me flash back to being 16 again.


Just a few months ago I watched this girl I went to high school with join Facebook and start “friending” everyone…..except me. What did I do wrong? We were friends back then I think? Did she not remember me? Do I have internet bad breath? Finally after a month, I broke down and “friended” her. And guess what? She accepted.

I worried at first that maybe she gave me the charity “friend.” I actually got a little angry and sent her a message, “What is up with waiting 30 days to friend me?”

In all essence, I was 16 again. 30 years later and uncountable generations of technology and I am stressing over whether someone clicks a button on their Facebook page.

Being 16 today and talking to girls is a breeze compared to 1980. They can text, IM, and Facebook. It is not nearly as difficult as say Kevin Arnold passing a love note to Winnie Cooper.

I remember being 16 and watching some girl walk the halls at Mauldin High School. Basically looking like I had a restraining order against me by staying 50 feet away at all times. Hoping that maybe at lunch or in a class she will smile at me. The job of every love sick 16 year old boy was to strategically manufacture some organized encounter that she thinks is completely random.

Back in 1980 my bedroom was like the War room at the White House. I had charts and graphs. Class schedules of about 23 girls and rudimentary drawings of their neighborhoods. Me and my friends were like the Joint Chiefs of Staff!

Here is how I asked out a girl at 16. First I would stand beside the phone for about 10 minutes. Then I would dial 3 numbers and hang up. 5 numbers and hang up. 7 numbers and get one ring…hang up. This is before caller id thank God. Then after another 20 minutes of agony I would let it ring a few times and when someone answered…….. I would hang up.

I’m getting nauseous just thinking about it.

My 17 year old daughter is navigating the dating scene and my 14 year old son is just navigating being cool! I wouldn’t trade places with them for any amount of money.

It is a miracle I ever got married. Now that I think about it, April asked me out first.

The Greatest College Basketball Player of All Time

A few years ago I took one of my board members (let’s just call him Ralph) to a Y Christian Leadership Conference. On the plane Ralph discussed that he loved Carolina so much that if they lost, it ruined his day, and if the Heels lost to Duke it ruined his week. Ralph commented that he hated Duke and everything about Duke. “I’m a grown man, and I hate that the success of my week is based on the success of Carolina sports,” he lamented.

Oh there might have been a few other comments about Coach K being related to Satan, but his struggle with all things Duke was a point of contention for him.

At the conference the conversation continued and I laughed and pointed across the room, “that’s Greg Koubek, he played for Duke in the early 90’s.”Greg at the time was a Y Director in Albany, NY.

“I want to meet him,” Ralph said.

“Are you sure? I don’t need an altercation at a Christian Leadership Conference,” I joked.

“Just shut up and introduce us,” he shouted.

So we walked over and thus started the friendship of Ralph the Tar Heel and Greg the Dookie. (I’m a Tar Heel fan too so it’s fun to spell it that way.)

They hit it off quick, sitting and talking for hours. They even got where they could joke back and forth. Greg had a deep appreciation for Ralph and Ralph a genuine friendship with Greg.

That evening we all went to dinner. In the midst of a pretty normal evening I state, “Greg, the greatest college basketball player of all time is from Shelby.” (I was talking about David Thompson.)

Greg interrupted, “That is impossible, the greatest college basketball player of all time was Christian Laettner.”

Luckily they didn’t have to call the police and Greg and Ralph’s friendship ended as quick as it started!

This is Why You Should Never Fall in Love

It all starts so innocently when a friend says, “I have someone I want you to meet. She is really cool. No pressure and no strings attached. Let’s just all go out and have a good time.” That sounds simple enough and exactly what you are looking for. OK, I against my better judgment I went along for the ride.

But then you find that you have so much in common. She really understands you. The more time you spend together the more she amazes you. She gets better every time you see her. It doesn’t take long before you even start saying……. Oh-No, did I just drop an “L” Bomb? You even tell your friends about her. You even start thinking about how this is exactly what you have been looking for. Your mom even notices and asks about her. Music is clearer, food taste better and the sun shines so much brighter.


Then March rolls around and she disappoints you a couple of times and then “KABOOM” she breaks your heart. She rips it out and steps on it. You just sit there devastated and destroyed. This is why you should never ever fall in love.

Notre Dame’s basketball team did this to me this year. They weren’t supposed to be that good. Then they up and won a few early games. Mid season comes and they win a big game on TV, all your friends are buzzing about how good they are playing, they hit the top 25, you’re wearing the T-Shirts and then Sunday night they lay a big fat egg. The tires screech to a halt and you cry yourself to sleep.

That’s it for me. I will never ever tell another team I love them……Maybe.

Another 70's Music Post

OK, the XM 70's radio channel is creating quite the debate lately. A few weeks back it had me discussing with my daughter the 5 best slow dance songs. Friday night, my 16 year old daughter was ridiculing the station from the back seat. And in the course of an hour, we heard five of the 15 worst songs of the 70's. (Too many to limit to 10)

15. You Light Up My Life - Debbie Boone
14. Candy Man - Sammy Davis , Jr.
13. Seasons in the Sun - Terry Jacks
12. The Night Chicago Died - Paper Lace
11. Bad Blood - Neil Sedaka and Elton John

IN THE ACTORS SHOULDN'T SING CATEGORY
10. Don't Give Up On Us Baby - David Soul
9. Let Her In - John Travolta

8. Kung Fu Fighting - Carl Douglass
7. Having My Baby - Paul Anka
6. Muskrat Love - Captain and Tennille
5. MacArthur Park - Donna Summer

THE WORST OF THE WORST
4. Convoy - CW McCall
3. Float On - Floaters
2. Billy Don't Be a Hero - Bo Donaldson and the Haywoods
1. Disco Duck - Reek Dees

Straight from My Rabbi

One of the great things in life is making new friends. Not the kind of Facebook click and accept friends, but real sit down over a meal and share friends. I hate that I don't get to see one of my old friends much anymore. Dan Nussbaum and I met several years ago. We are not necessarily what you would call a perfect match for being friends. Dan is from the academic world. My life has seemed to run and hide from all things academic. In other words don’t ask me about my SAT score! Dan is an ordained Rabbi and I grew up Southern Baptist. Dan’s life has been cemented in the culture of the Northeast and mine as a true Southern boy from the Carolinas. I tried to convert him to the joys of sweet tea and grits!

Our paths crossed in YMCA circles. Our friendship was planted in a soil of discussion around leadership and relationships. Our friendship soon grew among the fertilizer of discussion around Abraham, Isaac, and Moses. I once told him that I envied the Jewish faith with such beautiful customs that bring the family together within the household to worship. But my Rabbi soon counseled me that he envied the Christian Church and the sense of community within the church. “The grass is always greener,” he laughed.

One day when things were not going as planned and life seemed to throw me that curve ball away in the dirt, and of course I swung, Dan said, “Let me tell you a Midrash.” “A Midrash,” I replied? “Isn’t that something that I need to get a prescription for?” Dan just laughed. So my Rabbi taught me a new word. A Midrash is a story that contains extra material of anecdotal or allegorical nature, designed either to clarify historical material, or to teach a moral point.

When he told me the story I thought of all the times I could have used it with our staff and volunteers. Luckily our Y leaders didn’t give up when they were told that they couldn’t start a Y in Shelby. Or when we started the branch in Kings Mountain, people again questioned why. They laughed at us when we tried to raise $6.8 million dollars but we did that too!

Now it’s time to do it again. More money needs to be raised. New buildings need to be built, new programs created and more lives need to be changed. The naysayers will soon come out to slow us down, but I will call on my Rabbi to share his Midrash.


“A group of workers is asked to do something quite difficult and complicated. They protest, ‘the day is short’; ‘the work is hard’; ‘the project is too big’; ‘we do not have the right tools’; ‘and, anyway, we are too tired’; ‘we will never finish this job!’ Their teacher replies, ‘it is not for you to finish the task, but…you must start the task.”


We will never solve the problems of tomorrow unless we start on them today. Are you ready? I am, and that is your Midrash for the day. Straight from the Rabbi!

God Bless and Shalom!

Smile, People are Watching

By now we have all heard about the Chicago Bears quarterback, Jay Cutler, and his injury in the second half against the Packers. Early critics have villified Cutler for not being tough, giving up on his team or even faking an injury because he wasn't playing good.

I will not go down any of those paths. I just want to say that Jay Cutler is his own worst enemy.

If you are a supervisor of staff for any significant period of time, you will have a Jay Cutler on your team. That is someone who is very talented, above average performer, probably opinionated about a wide variety of issues and also somewhat likeable by their peers. Yet they give off no warm fuzzies. They don't speak or engage with peers, supervisors, vendors, members or associates. Their body language screams, "I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE!"

How do you supervise that? They perform and produce results but on the flip side they generate no excitement or loyalty. Everyone around them visibly cringes from their negative energy.

They will tell you in a coaching session, "Hey, I moved you from point A to B just like you asked." "My interceptions are down and touchdowns up." "I have won more this year than last year."

But I will challenge you that the issue is bigger than that. The Jay Cutler's of the world can hold you hostage. They can keep you in a false sense of success. In actuality they only will keep you mired in the muck of mediocrity.

I am not saying that we all need to walk around high fiving everyone or being "Miss Mary Sunshine." What I am saying is that you need to throw off some positive energy. If that is not in your DNA then you need to take up golf or tennis. You need to find the job that allows you to work from home. You need to find a job that doesn't require your skills to blend with others on the team.

Jay, next time your hurt, either go to the lockerroom and watch from the training room or pick up a headset or clipboard and help the next guy. Become a coach or a cheer leader.

Somebody tell the poor guy to smile everyonce in awhile. Smile Jay, smile!

Play Another Slow Jam

This weekend I spent a long time in the car and the XM radio got locked into 70's music. I was tapping the steering wheel to Steve Miller, The Allmon Brothers, Jim Morrison and the Doobie Brothers when all of a sudden Heatwave's Always and Forever came on. I told the kids to be quiet that this song was in  my all time top 5 slow dance songs!!! And that led to a long discussion, laughter and this list.

Cam Corder's Top 5 Slow Dance Songs
#5. Too Hot - Kool and the Gang

#4. Commodores - Three Times A Lady


#3. Always and Forever - Heatwave (Luther Vandross re-made it!)

#2. Back at One - Brian McKnight

#1. Let's Get it On - Marvin Gaye

Time to re-sync the ipod, and I miss Luther!!