I picked up an old magazine at the Y the other day and it was about the Virginia Tech shooting. It didn’t surprise me when the article described Cho, the Va. Tech shooter, as having nothing in his eyes, no soul to see, complete emptiness. Whoever said that a person’s eyes were the windows to their soul, was definitely right on point!
All my life people have commented on my eyes. Mostly how blood shot they are or how I need to sleep more because of the dark circles. Occasionally someone will comment on the shade of green. Almost Notre Dame Green!
I remember the first times my kids opened their eyes to look at this crazy new world. My faced pressed close to theirs trying desperately to find some spiritual connection - trying to see if I could see their future. But all I saw was perfection. God gave them to me perfect on day one, and he gave me a lifetime to screw them up! Let’s just hope that the bar for screw up is raised so high by me that they turn out relatively unscathed.
When I go to weddings (It is a sign of aging when your friend’s kids start getting married) I love to watch the eyes of the groom as the bride finally steps into the door way to walk down the aisle. I look for those “Big Ole’ Saucers and a skipped heart beat. It would be easy to comment more on his eyes by inserting some man joke here, but I will let you create your own anecdote. When I saw my bride it was a look of “How could I possibly be this lucky!” (I should get major points for that so make sure you comment to April how sweet I am)
My job at the Y allows me to witness the great looks of a kid getting his first basket in basketball. It is a monumental jog back down court with a look of invincibility and scanning the sidelines to hopefully get the glowing nod of approval from mom or dad. Or its that look as a kid stands on first base and his coach pats him on the butt because he just got his first hit. It is unbelievable to see him run to first base without even touching the ground.
We also see the looks on kid’s faces when the soccer ball squirts through their hands and they give up the game winning goal. It is also the look of a teenager when they tell you that they got cut from the cheerleading squad. How easily our lives go from the thrill of victory to the agony of defeat.
The eyes will always tell us a story. From I am tired to I think I am in love to why don’t you get a breath mint! The eyes are the windows to our souls.
How do eyes go from, wow look at this new world (birth) to mass murderer (Va. Tech)?
A study by the SEARCH INSTITUTE proves that 50% of the kids in our middle schools have little or no connection with an adult in the school. No teacher, no secretary, no bus driver, not even the lunch lady knows anything more about them than their name! So when we ask how any kid can get this disconnected we need to realize how early it can start. We must realize that Cho went to a Christian Church and was in youth group and memorized bible verses, yet he still became isolated.
I don’t think we as adults understand the value of our eyes and our hearts and our connection with the large circle of kids that are in our lives.
I cringe when I hear parents cheer a miscue by a kid on another team. I once had a parent chastise me for applauding a great play by the goalie on the other team – “what are you doing?” she yelled.
How many times when we get in the car after a game and our kid wells up in tears because he just missed free throws to lose their game do we sit and say, “shake it off. When I was your age I missed free throws too. In fact if you really want to hear how I missed many of life’s free throws, we need to get a tall milk shake because this is going to take awhile.”
Our kids need to take note of our ability to admit we are fallible. (Not foulable because I never miss free throws but fallible) And my fellow parents, as we share our past goofs with our kids, take the time to listen to their fears. Make sure we give them time to connect to us. I know it is hard work to develop the skills to listen to our kids and the other young people around us, but we must fight to connect!
Some of the greatest parents in the world have the ability to really listen. These parents are available, they’re not judgmental, and they care. Often I guess parenting is less about all that we provide our kids, but rather a quiet listening ear.
And remember, it’s in the eyes. What color are your kid’s eyes?
August 28, 2007
August 8, 2007
The West Wing
I love the TV show West Wing. Ryanne (my daughter) and I watched a few episodes this weekend from the first season. This is still one of my all time favorite shows, even though it actually slipped in the last two years of production.
In the early years it was about the relationships between these noble people who worked for the President and served the country for this great historical cause. Reality though is that somehow after probably a billion dollars was spent by Bush and Kerry to smash each other, (and today’s candidates will top that,) all elections today are about serving to get re-elected. And the White House hopefuls serve to get elected! SUCH NOBILITY!
That makes perfect sense because that is exactly why most people vote today - To defeat the incumbent or to keep their person in office. Why couldn’t people go to the poles because of their civic duty and to have their voice heard on whom their leader is? Can decisions strictly be made because of sincere ideologies of genuine people. Nope, our votes typically are based on left or right - Democrat or Republican.
But I digress,
West Wing like other good shows always ruin themselves by creating too much drama. ER was the worst. The first two years were great because they centered on the people and the relationships around the ER. Then, and I’ve timed it, every 8 minutes the doors would blow open and an emergency would fly in and create this chaos. And not just a typical emergency, but it would be a busload of teenage cheerleaders on their way to build a house for the Habitat for Humanity. Or someone would come in with a 3-inch bomb taped to his or her chest that could blow up the entire state of Illinois. Too much drama! My wife would always chastise me to relax, that the show was called ER!
SO, in its last years, the West Wing all of a sudden became terrorist attacks, wars, bombs, deaths, kidnappings etc. Every episode. No more relationships.
I like to imagine my own life and draw parallels to this show. (The Y and the West Wing.) I am the President and I think everyone should stand when I enter the room. But that same kind of respect from Jeb Bartlett’s staff doesn’t transfer to the halls of the YMCA! My staff barely show up on time to my meetings much less stand when I enter the room.
But the Y, like West Wing, is about a group of people, working hand in hand for a mission far more worthy than we can imagine. But it’s not the crises that make the Y like the show. It is the relationships that are formed around the office. It is the short quick vignettes in hallways, behind office doors, over meals. That is what makes a show and that is what makes a job. That is what makes working for the Y such a great job. It’s not the drama, it’s the people.
We continually hear during exit interviews, “I’ll miss the people the most. They have become my family.” When in staff retreats we talk about what we were thankful for, everyone was thankful for the staff around the room. And that isn’t just some insignificant dribble that we all say to feel like part of the team and to get extra Brownie points from the CEO. I know at this point, some staff may ask, “Are there really Brownie points from the CEO?” Well that is another blog!
Today, take stock of what is important in your life….the people, the family, the faith, the country, the helpless, the hopeful, the lost, and the found.
In the early years it was about the relationships between these noble people who worked for the President and served the country for this great historical cause. Reality though is that somehow after probably a billion dollars was spent by Bush and Kerry to smash each other, (and today’s candidates will top that,) all elections today are about serving to get re-elected. And the White House hopefuls serve to get elected! SUCH NOBILITY!
That makes perfect sense because that is exactly why most people vote today - To defeat the incumbent or to keep their person in office. Why couldn’t people go to the poles because of their civic duty and to have their voice heard on whom their leader is? Can decisions strictly be made because of sincere ideologies of genuine people. Nope, our votes typically are based on left or right - Democrat or Republican.
But I digress,
West Wing like other good shows always ruin themselves by creating too much drama. ER was the worst. The first two years were great because they centered on the people and the relationships around the ER. Then, and I’ve timed it, every 8 minutes the doors would blow open and an emergency would fly in and create this chaos. And not just a typical emergency, but it would be a busload of teenage cheerleaders on their way to build a house for the Habitat for Humanity. Or someone would come in with a 3-inch bomb taped to his or her chest that could blow up the entire state of Illinois. Too much drama! My wife would always chastise me to relax, that the show was called ER!
SO, in its last years, the West Wing all of a sudden became terrorist attacks, wars, bombs, deaths, kidnappings etc. Every episode. No more relationships.
I like to imagine my own life and draw parallels to this show. (The Y and the West Wing.) I am the President and I think everyone should stand when I enter the room. But that same kind of respect from Jeb Bartlett’s staff doesn’t transfer to the halls of the YMCA! My staff barely show up on time to my meetings much less stand when I enter the room.
But the Y, like West Wing, is about a group of people, working hand in hand for a mission far more worthy than we can imagine. But it’s not the crises that make the Y like the show. It is the relationships that are formed around the office. It is the short quick vignettes in hallways, behind office doors, over meals. That is what makes a show and that is what makes a job. That is what makes working for the Y such a great job. It’s not the drama, it’s the people.
We continually hear during exit interviews, “I’ll miss the people the most. They have become my family.” When in staff retreats we talk about what we were thankful for, everyone was thankful for the staff around the room. And that isn’t just some insignificant dribble that we all say to feel like part of the team and to get extra Brownie points from the CEO. I know at this point, some staff may ask, “Are there really Brownie points from the CEO?” Well that is another blog!
Today, take stock of what is important in your life….the people, the family, the faith, the country, the helpless, the hopeful, the lost, and the found.
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