I picked up an old magazine at the Y the other day and it was about the Virginia Tech shooting. It didn’t surprise me when the article described Cho, the Va. Tech shooter, as having nothing in his eyes, no soul to see, complete emptiness. Whoever said that a person’s eyes were the windows to their soul, was definitely right on point!
All my life people have commented on my eyes. Mostly how blood shot they are or how I need to sleep more because of the dark circles. Occasionally someone will comment on the shade of green. Almost Notre Dame Green!
I remember the first times my kids opened their eyes to look at this crazy new world. My faced pressed close to theirs trying desperately to find some spiritual connection - trying to see if I could see their future. But all I saw was perfection. God gave them to me perfect on day one, and he gave me a lifetime to screw them up! Let’s just hope that the bar for screw up is raised so high by me that they turn out relatively unscathed.
When I go to weddings (It is a sign of aging when your friend’s kids start getting married) I love to watch the eyes of the groom as the bride finally steps into the door way to walk down the aisle. I look for those “Big Ole’ Saucers and a skipped heart beat. It would be easy to comment more on his eyes by inserting some man joke here, but I will let you create your own anecdote. When I saw my bride it was a look of “How could I possibly be this lucky!” (I should get major points for that so make sure you comment to April how sweet I am)
My job at the Y allows me to witness the great looks of a kid getting his first basket in basketball. It is a monumental jog back down court with a look of invincibility and scanning the sidelines to hopefully get the glowing nod of approval from mom or dad. Or its that look as a kid stands on first base and his coach pats him on the butt because he just got his first hit. It is unbelievable to see him run to first base without even touching the ground.
We also see the looks on kid’s faces when the soccer ball squirts through their hands and they give up the game winning goal. It is also the look of a teenager when they tell you that they got cut from the cheerleading squad. How easily our lives go from the thrill of victory to the agony of defeat.
The eyes will always tell us a story. From I am tired to I think I am in love to why don’t you get a breath mint! The eyes are the windows to our souls.
How do eyes go from, wow look at this new world (birth) to mass murderer (Va. Tech)?
A study by the SEARCH INSTITUTE proves that 50% of the kids in our middle schools have little or no connection with an adult in the school. No teacher, no secretary, no bus driver, not even the lunch lady knows anything more about them than their name! So when we ask how any kid can get this disconnected we need to realize how early it can start. We must realize that Cho went to a Christian Church and was in youth group and memorized bible verses, yet he still became isolated.
I don’t think we as adults understand the value of our eyes and our hearts and our connection with the large circle of kids that are in our lives.
I cringe when I hear parents cheer a miscue by a kid on another team. I once had a parent chastise me for applauding a great play by the goalie on the other team – “what are you doing?” she yelled.
How many times when we get in the car after a game and our kid wells up in tears because he just missed free throws to lose their game do we sit and say, “shake it off. When I was your age I missed free throws too. In fact if you really want to hear how I missed many of life’s free throws, we need to get a tall milk shake because this is going to take awhile.”
Our kids need to take note of our ability to admit we are fallible. (Not foulable because I never miss free throws but fallible) And my fellow parents, as we share our past goofs with our kids, take the time to listen to their fears. Make sure we give them time to connect to us. I know it is hard work to develop the skills to listen to our kids and the other young people around us, but we must fight to connect!
Some of the greatest parents in the world have the ability to really listen. These parents are available, they’re not judgmental, and they care. Often I guess parenting is less about all that we provide our kids, but rather a quiet listening ear.
And remember, it’s in the eyes. What color are your kid’s eyes?
No comments:
Post a Comment