“But we do that every day,” was the response.
“OK, let’s get together and eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us!”
That sentiment makes Christmas so stressful. Parties with in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews and even neighborhood and work parties can really put Peace on Earth Good Will Toward Men to a test!
Can’t you picture this family Christmas get together? 25 people huddled around a pile of gifts and the traditional Dirty Santa game begins. Pick number 4 and 8 year old cousin #1 picks the nerf gun. Pick number 7 and 9 year old cousin #2 steals the nerf gun. The tension level moves to code yellow as Cousin #1 begins to cry. Move on to pick #12 and sister in-law #1 steals the Nerf gun back for cousin #1. Cousin #2 begins to cry and cousin #1 starts laughing and the tension level moves to code orange. Cousin #2 begins to pitch a fit and I lean in to my wife and say, “Why in the hell did you buy a Nerf gun?” My wife responds, “Well I didn’t know cousin #2 would declare Jihad!”
I swear at this time I heard my completely oblivious brother in-law #1 ask, “Where do you keep the bottle openers?”
With the tension level at code orange, pick number 24 is sister in-law #2 and she steals the gun back and baby it’s on like Donkey Kong! We are a few mullets and halter tops away from a Jerry Springer show! “CODE RED, CODE RED – THE FAMILY IS IN CODE RED. EVERYONE PLEASE TAKE IMMEDIATE COVER” The two brother in-laws of course are oblivious looking for bottle openers and adjusting the volume during the game.
Quickly order is restored and in-laws and out-laws exit to their respective homes for the mandatory 7 day cool down period before the New Years Day Family get together!
God Bless us everyone and Peace on Earth Good Will Toward everyone but the cousins!
**Truth – This never happened. We were smart enough not to bring the Nerf Gun into the party and played this out in the car ride over. Names were withheld to enahnce the exaggeration.
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